There are tons of articles plastered all over the web that address the issue of building confidence. I know this is a big problem for many people and something they really struggle with.
While there are definitely some good articles out there, I haven’t seen a great deal that come at it from the angle I’m about to.
Many of the articles I’ve read primarily focus on external, physical factors. You know, things like:
- Dress better
- Stand up straight
- Walk tall
- Groom well
While that definitely does have an impact and will help boost your confidence and feeling of self worth, it’s merely scratching the surface.
It’s treating the symptoms but not getting at the actual problem.
You could take a bum of the street, dress him up in fancy clothes, tell him to walk straighter with his chest out and shoulders back, give him a haircut and groom him up.
But at the end of the day he’d still be a bum.
You can’t change a person from the outside without a significant internal transformation taking place.
What you have to understand and grasp is this.
The root/source of all confidence stems from the ability to do something and do it really damn well.
If you’re excellent at what you do, you have the drive for it and love it to death, you’ll find your confidence levels will sky rocket.
That brings us to the first and probably most critical step in building real, long lasting confidence.
1) Identify and have a purpose in life
YOU MUST HAVE YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE NAILED DOWN AND CRYSTAL CLEAR!!
I cannot stress the importance of this enough. If you don’t dial this in or put enough effort and energy into this, nothing else will work.
IT’S DAMN VITAL YOU DO THIS.
Not just for your confidence levels, but life in general. This will affect your levels of satisfaction and happiness big time.
I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty of how to go about discovering your purpose in this article. I’ve covered it before and it’s something I build upon in my upcoming book.
I will say this though. If you’re motivated by what you do and it really fires you up, drives you and you’re good at it and can see yourself doing it long-term, you’ve likely realised your purpose.
If you make purpose your primary focus in life you’ll become centred as an individual, which’ll lead to a massive confidence and self esteem boost, all without the need to concentrate on “tactics” to build confidence.
On the other hand, if you have no direction in life, you’re a drifter. Neither here nor there, wandering aimlessly like a lost sheep.
You can employ all the confidence boosting tactics you want, but if you don’t fully believe in yourself and are not engaging in something you’re good at and gives your life meaning, you won’t build real, lasting confidence.
Do you seriously think you’re going to boost your confidence simply by dressing fancier and kidding yourself, by horsing around trying to copy and act like someone who is confident?
It might work for a little while, but it won’t last long-term and do you want to know why?
Because it’s fake. It’s not really coming from you.
Like it or not, there’ll come a point when you’re going to have to drop the act and take of those fancy clothes and if you haven’t developed real confidence for yourself, everything else is just a waste.
I can understand why people think like that, after all the vast majority of “experts” will tell you to:
“Fake it till you make it.”
What a load of hogwash. How long are you going to keep pretending?
I guarantee you it won’t last, because it’s not you.
It’s not who you are and it’s not something you’ll ever be.
Can you fake being successful?
Can you fake being rich?
Can you fake enjoying life?
Can you fake true friendship?
Can you fake trust and respect?
Your answer should be a definite NO. (If it isn’t you’ve got a lot of straightening out to do in your life).
See, there aren’t a lot of things you can actually fake in life. Sure you can lie, cheat and steal, but you can’t lie to yourself at the end of the day.
The bottom line is, confidence, self-worth and self-respect can’t be faked.
True confidence comes from high self worth and high self worth comes from having a purpose. (Something you love and do incredibly well).
No matter what you think or how much people tell you to fake it till you make it, you just can’t fake real confidence. So get that idea out of your head.
2) Be self-reliant
Real confidence also comes from self-reliance. You should only ever depend on yourself to get what you want in life.
If you constantly rely on others, you will never develop the confidence that comes from being able to stand up for yourself.
You need to stand up on your own two feet and grab the bull (life) by the horns.
There’s a great feeling of confidence, power and self-worth that comes from being self-reliant.
When you’re comfortable living alone without the aid of others, knowing full well you can survive without anyone, you know you can handle anything.
Note: I’m not advocating living alone, but prepare yourself in a way that allows you to function without others.
So if a scenario were to ever arise, where someone said to you:
“You can’t live without me. You need me.”
You can just laugh and walk away, carefree and confident in your ability to live for yourself and on your own terms.
How can you develop that?
Great question. (No, really it is).
Probably the key thing and basis of self-reliance in this day and age, is the ability to be financially stable.
If you don’t have any money you should be doing something to make it. Whether that involves starting your own business or going out to work.
When you have your own money and aren’t dependent on the charity of others, you’re already taking a major step to being self-reliant.
3) Don’t dwell on your shortcomings
If you suffer from low self esteem and self confidence, working on the two things I mentioned above will set you straight and take your mind off any self doubt and feelings of negativity.
However, some people don’t have the guts to make a start in the first place, due to their own pessimism and lack of faith holding them back.
Listen, whether you’re tall, short, have green blood or come from mars, there’s no reason you can’t achieve success.
Instead of spending your time worrying about all the things that are wrong with you, focus that frustration and channel it in a creative way that will help you move towards your goals.
Use it as a motivation. Whatever you do, just don’t wallow in self pity. Nothing good was ever accomplished from that. Tell yourself that you’re going to become the best version of your self possible and stand by it.
When you do that, your behaviour and attitude will change. People around you will take notice and treat you with respect as your own self respect grows, and hey presto, before you know it your INFERIORITY COMPLEX WILL VANISH.
In fact your shortcomings, though they may seem like weaknesses now, can give you an advantage over those who seemingly have everything perfect.
Why? You may ask.
Well, those individuals typically tend to have strong egos and some of them feel they’ve already accomplished everything they wanted to in life, and don’t feel the need to improve or make any changes. That’s a big mistake. You should always be striving for improvement.
In summary, to build real confidence you need to focus on three key things.
1) Discovering your purpose
2) Becoming self-reliant
3) Not being ruled by your shortfalls
These three fundamental things combined with dressing sharper and walking tall etc will improve your confidence.
Funnily enough, if you focus on these three things you’ll automatically start walking tall, with your chest out and shoulders back, all without giving it much thought.
You’ll hold better conversations with people because you’ll actually have something you’re passionate about and can talk about really well.
When you break it down confidence really comes from within. It’s an expression of you. You can’t just fake it. You’ve either got it, are in the process of getting it, or haven’t got it.
“If you want to live a worthwhile life, make your life worth living.”
If you enjoyed this article and want more info, I cover this subject and more in my upcoming book. In it you’ll learn how happiness, confidence and purpose share a link and the way to go about maximising them.
CHARISMA AND CONFIDENCE
